Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Word of the Year {2013}

Happy New Year! I'm in the group that is still wondering just how it happens to be 2013 already. 2012 was a year of change for our family--I'm not even ready to go back and read my Goals for 2012 post, because the year turned out completely different than what I had planned. Guess it's not all about me, right?

Funny, I must have had a hunch that change was on the horizon when I picked my word for 2012.

Interesting, huh? I needed to surrender my ideas for how the future of our family would look. And we did! We put our house on the market and started packing boxes. And packing and packing and packing! My husband quit his job--the only source of income for our family. We hauled most of our stuff to a storage unit, left our home in the hands of our realtor and drove across the country last summer for my husband to go to school.

We loved it! Gary was finally doing what he had wanted to do for years and years. The boys and I had fun living in a school setting, made friends with other student families, and counted it all as an adventure. Now Gary has graduated and there is a job lined up, just not finalized so I can't share it yet. Our house is rented and finances have worked out!

So with all of that being said, I hope you can understand this next part.

I struggle with feelings of inadequacy. 

I'm not good enough.
My house is not clean enough.
I don't cook healthy enough meals.
I'm not the mom my boys need.
I'm not a good enough wife.
I'm not spiritual enough.
I'm not pretty enough, skinny enough, or do my hair and face enough.
I don't do enough projects to keep my readers interested in my blog, I'm not witty enough in my writing to ever amount to anything, so why do I spend all this time blogging anyway?

I am not enough.

I kinda had a breakdown last week. I had a rough day with hormones and stress and my own silly expectations and kept failing. I finally walked out in the woods by myself and had a good cry.

Now this next part is not as crazy as it sounds. It's also not a regular occurrence, but in my wailing (at least in my head) I clearly "heard" God tell me:

I am enough.

That's really the secret, isn't it? To let God make up the difference in our shortcomings. Let him succeed when I fail. It doesn't mean I should stop trying, but after I surrender my will, let him make me adequate. 

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

2 Corinthians 12:9

 Blessings to you and your family in 2013!

1 comment:

  1. Ellie- You really ARE enough. I just picked up a book that a friend told me I needed to read. I just started it but I think it would be great for you, too. I struggled many times with all the things you mentioned.
    The book is by Joyce Meyer and is called Battlefield of the Mind. See if you can find it somewhere- xo Diana



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