Dear Diary

You know how sometimes things change slowly and almost imperceptibly? Like last night our youngest slept on the top bunk, our middle son spelled out "napkin" and our oldest read us a story--after asking about molecules at supper and proclaiming he wants to be a rocket scientist when he grows up. (Thanks Uncle Luke!) How did they grow up so fast? Where did our little kids go?

Sometimes I do that around the house. Last week I erased my dry-erase calendar in my kitchen. I don't really use it--I check the scribbled up paper calendar in the cupboard for schedules and birthdays and obligations. Now I use the dry-erase board for small goals for the day. Love it!

Then there's the big things, like on Friday when I was tired of an ugly bedroom so I took a couple hours to move it around. We're not planning on living here long, so I didn't hang anything, and if we were going to stay here we'd have some projects to do and maybe some furniture to move down there. But it's prettier!

It's the third week of the year and I haven't blogged for a month. I do that sometimes. I get overwhelmed by too much to do so I start cutting back. Blogging is just a fun hobby; it doesn't pay the bills or help homeschool my kids. It can inspire projects and give me motivation for keeping the house clean, but when my schedule is too full, it has to go.

I'm also struggling with direction, to be honest. My blog doesn't really have a niche. It's part DIY, part mommy blog, part makeover, part... I don't even know. I'd really like it to be a home blog, you know, about renovations and projects and DIY and stuff, but we're renting and have no need or budget for that. I'm also homeschooling and babysitting and the boys don't nap as long, and I'm just not into google analytics and trying to keep every picture/project pin-worthy and original just saps all the fun out of blogging!

We're looking ahead in 2014 with lots of changes on the horizon. We're missionaries in training and have summer school to look forward to, and hopefully a move to the British Isles to plan for (tentatively next fall/winter). That means not only will we be relocating (again), but my focus this summer will be on my classes and squeezing out any extra time for my boys. We're super excited about our move, but we don't know when it will happen for sure. We're fine with that, but it makes it hard to blog about projects. In the meanwhile, there's homeschool and babysitting and meal planning and laundry and not much of me left over for projects and blogging!

I also need to confess that competition was taking all of the fun out of blogging. I was nursing a spirit of discontent. There, I said it. I used to read blogs any chance I could. I had my reader chalk full of inspiring reads. And they are! I love blogs! But I was starting to feel that my home was never enough, that my projects didn't amount to anything, that they were just copies of what I'd seen on Pinterest, that I wasn't real or dedicated enough, and I started to resent it. I'd look at numbers on my blog and get jealous of your blog and your success and your projects. I'd read testimonies of moms making tons of money from blogging and wonder when my big break would come.

And then we moved.
And moved again.
And again.

Then Google Friend Connect turned into Google + and my reader with a million blogs shut down and I don't really like Bloglovin' or Feedly or Google +. So I stopped reading a million blogs. And stopped checking my stats. And stopped comparing myself to the blogs I was no longer reading.

And I started to feel better about me.

I have a long way to go. I have a lot to figure out. I'm still not sure where Beauty4Ashes will land when all of this is said and done. Or maybe it's never done. Maybe it's just evolving. Like my kids suddenly not being babies.

I still like to decorate. I have an innate NEED to make spaces around me feel pretty and inviting. Some say it's a talent. Well, I'm trying to figure out how to help people with it. You know? Other than them looking at my house with my staged pictures and free photo-editing and thinking that I have it all together when you can't hear my boys fighting because they're hungry and neglected because mommy's taking pictures or reading blogs. Or blogging instead of taking a walk or reading my Bible, or developing a post instead of chatting with my husband.

So with that said (and so much more still stuck in my head), welcome to Beauty4Ashes, version 4.0. I'm going to make a conscious effort in 2014 to blog about real life, to keep it simple. To keep a record for my kids to read or family 1000 miles away to keep a finger on our life. I'm going to blog less for you than for me. Wow, that sounds selfish, but if blogging is something I do with my spare time about subjects that interest me or real things in my life, I think I owe it to me to be authentic about it.

Now, before you give up on me, can I share something else? Oh yeah, this blog is now officially for me and not my "target audience". My personal goal for 2014 is this:

Do you dare to join me?

Christmas Chronicles {Instagram}

I lost my Christmas spirit this week, somewhere between expectations and reality. Or maybe it's just perspective.

The month started on a great note. I was super-excited to start decorating, creating memories with the boys and crafting my way through the month. But I under-slept, over-worked, neglected my health and had too many deadlines. My blessings turned into obligations and my opportunities became just another demand for my attention.

Why is it with Christmas, to have a memorable season, to celebrate to the fullest, we expect so much of ourselves? This weekend I'm going to quietly remember the reason we celebrate, soak in the love and wonder of our three little boys, and remember the big picture.

Join me?

Passport Out-takes

We are in the process of applying for passports. I took some pictures of the boys the other day, asking them to just sit there, then we could take some funny pictures.

Here's what happened.

Jonathan

Jared

Josiah

I love my cuties, crazy as they may be sometimes!

Countdown to Christmas

Ok, so this post might not be named correctly if you're hyper-analytical like I am. It's not technically a countdown because I arranged these cute little cards in numerical order from least to greatest. I thought it would be easier to just check the day's date and read that card for a fun activity with my kids.
 

So in that regard it's much more like an Advent Calendar. But it's just for an activity, no scriptures or candies or gifts like so many Advent Calendars include.

Call it what you want to, I had way too much fun making this! It reminded me why I used to scrapbook and made me long for the day when I have a little more free time to spend doing just that.

I knew I wanted to make something like this, but part of the time factor when I actually sat down to put it together on Saturday night was spent figuring out how I wanted it to work and where I would hang it! I love the Advent Calendars that use paper lunch bags, so I found some tags and made some more out of my scrapbooking supplies.

I squirreled away cute ornaments, little craft ideas, glitter glue, gum, playdoh with cookie cutters, etc, planning on putting a clue for the day's activity in the paper bag which we'd take down and open each day.

But then I decided it was just too cute and I couldn't pull it down and rip up more of it each day, even in the name of something fun to do with the boys!

And the question of where to hang it kept coming up... And my crib spring display thingy-ma-bob was looking a little forlorn, even with the burlap banner and snowflakes added to the wreath.

Then I someone went and added cute cards to write the activities on... not sure why, but they're super cute, and I someone spent way too long coordinating them just so...

So my 2-3 hour project turned into 5 hours one night, three hours the next day, another hour or two hanging them...

Sadly, that's all too typical around here. Just ask my husband. No, don't, please!

Did you notice just how cute it all is?! Totally worth the time and effort!

You know that when Christmas is over I'll be storing these together in a box. Cute cards, clothespins, tags, ornaments, embellishments and all. It's actually quite flexible, in that next year I can hang them with the lunch bags if I want, or on a string on the wall, or wherever!

(The two little bunches in the top middle are place holders because my crib springs needed something there.)

The boys are totally thrilled with the little daily activities. These are things I included--on a sticky note so I can mix and match next time, or toss the ideas and do new stuff if I want to and not have to mess up my cute note cards!

• Make coffee filter snowflakes
• Sing carols by the Christmas tree
• Make cinnamon ornaments
• Make cookies and give them to a neighbor
• Enjoy hot chocolate with candy canes
• Decorate paper ornaments with glitter 
• Go to a Christmas concert
• Make an ornament wreath
• Play hide-and-seek with jingle bell ornaments
• Use cookie cutters with play doh

 So there you have it, our Christmas Countdown, or Advent Calendar, or Activity Planner, or Really Cute Christmas Display that took way more time than I planned but I still love it!

How are you looking forward to Christmas every day?

Hot Chocolate Station

I'm super excited about decorating Christmas this year! We were in between homes last year and enjoyed Christmas with our families while the decorations stayed in storage.

This year we're staying home and as soon as December 1st came I wanted to be setting up the tree and pulling out the boxes!

I waited until December 2. That's restraint for ya!

I've never set up a hot chocolate station before. I like hot chocolate, for sure, but I didn't think I needed to tempt myself or my small kids with sugary drinks... But I was putting away groceries and reorganizing a few things in the kitchen and this kinda just happened.

First I decided to put the candy canes and marshmallows in jars. Then the hot chocolate packets went in another jar. I added a small jar of sugar and a jug for cream in case someone's fixing a decaf instead of hot chocolate. I added a couple mugs, put it all on a tray and slapped the picture onto Instagram.

Then I added some Epsom salt snow, red ornaments and a cute tag to an antique jar and some other stuff moved around too and I ended up with this.

It was the unanimous winner of the which-do-you-like-better contest on Facebook, and I love the red!

What about you? Do you set up a place for all the add-ins for your hot drinks? Do you prefer hot chocolate or coffee? Tea? I hope you're staying warm this winter!

Insta-Friday {October}

October in Nebraska was amazing! I've never seen such a vivid fall!

As is evidenced by my frequent posts on Instagram and Facebook with yet another picture of something red or yellow or orange. Come on, though, those are some good pictures up there, aren't they?!

We took lots of walks, enjoyed a particularly crisp day at the apple orchard/pumpkin patch, and had so much fun playing in the leaves.

We spent time at the lake and the park and at our house. I discovered that a peppermint latte from Scooter's is absolutely delicious (as is my sleeve from Caribou-thanks Lisa!). We did leaf rubbings and tree art for school and started a new Mommy/Daddy-Son outing tradition. Every other Sunday morning, usually before breakfast, I get to take one boy out for a treat. In October it was donuts, but I'm exploring other options. They boys are so much fun one-on-one, and it's really good to spend a few minutes really getting to know them each! Daddy takes another boy the next week. Love it!

In October I celebrated another birthday, had a date with my favorite man, and tried to capture happy-life moments with our boys. Jonathan discovered that coloring is fun and will spend an hour listening to Bible stories on CD while coloring at his desk. Then he recreates the stories with Legos-like the Egyptian chariot drawn by four horses. Jared is a tease and loves to entertain his brothers. He also likes to hang out on his brother's bed with a good picture book. Josiah is always game for whatever his brothers suggest. That's not always a good thing. He has discovered walking backwards and can say the. cutest. prayers!

October was a super-busy month on Sabbaths. We were on the road by 7 AM, traveling between an hour and a half to almost three hours away to worship in small churches in mid-Nebraska. We were warmly welcomed and treated as special guests in each one. We've met a lot of new friends and gotten back in touch with many of Gary's high school friends. We are excited to have been able to share our mission to the Celtic Peoples of the British Isles with these church members. In October, we reached 5% of our budget!

So there you have it! October in a nutshell!

Be Nice

I try not to wax too philosophically here. Eloquence is not my forte.

But this quote keeps coming up. I saw it on Pinterest, I saw (and shared it) on Facebook. My husband even came home telling me a story based on this thought. It rings so true.

It rings true right now as we head into the holiday season. We see things on blogs and Pinterest and Facebook and in magazines and commercials and ads, even in our friend's homes, that seem bigger than they are. Something that makes us think they have it all together, they have the perfect holiday decor/meal/family/home/relationship/whatever.

Guess what? They don't!

This isn't an encouragement to look for the dirty little secret your friend/aunt/neighbor is hiding. It's about extending yourself the same pleasantries and compliments you give to your hostess. Cutting yourself the same slack you give your bff.

It's not about tooting your own horn either. Chances are, you're doing a great job. Your house looks great, your kids are happy, you cooked an amazing meal. And if you didn't have time, if you didn't get a chance, if you're fighting with your kids to get them to wear that color-coordinated family outfit, if you were grouchy at your husband because he went and sat down while you're still stressing about last-minute details, it's ok!

No, it's not good, nor fun, nor how you want to spend a holiday, but it's life. It's real. We've all been there. It will get better, this too shall pass, chances are you won't remember the stress next year when you reflect on Thanksgiving 2013.

I'm just pretty sure you'll enjoy this holiday season a lot more if you're nice to yourself. Compliment yourself. Say something nice about you in the mirror when you prepare to meet your guests. Do something nice for you during a day off. Step back and enjoy your kids in the middle of the chaos.

Be  nice. It's hard to be happy when someone is mean to you all the time. 

Don't be that someone!